Chilled
by Bura-sama
Summary: Seto/Jounouchi. They wanted to at least spend Christmas together, but fate had other plans. Warnings: Death, probable OOCness, slight nicotine abuse, angst.
1. Ticktock

1300  
Bura-sama  
12.21.02  
12.21.02

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine. I don't claim it to be so. The characters I'm using don't even resemble the official ones, so... yeah. Not mine, no infringement is intended.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. Seto/Jounouchi. Death. OOCness. Enough sugary sappiness to choke a hummingbird.

Notes: A Christmas present for my big sister.  
I'm not terribly fond of the couple, but she likes them.

I'm not sure if I should post this or not. I hope at least _someone_ out there likes it at all.

Chilled

_ Ch1: Tick-tock_

"Sir, may we speak in this room?"

Seto nodded weakly, already knowing what was about to be said.

The young doctor pulled him to the side, and shut the door behind her when they entered a small room. She had an expression that didn't speak well of things to come. She was pretty, he supposed. Fair blonde hair and a petit frame. It reminded him of...

"Sir, we tried everything we could..." Her voice was shaking slightly, but Seto didn't notice. The blood was pounding in his head, cutting off the noise of the young doctor talking. He could see her mouth moving, telling him something that he had no desire to hear. He could see the genuine sorrow in her eyes, but his heart refused to accept it. She was still talking, unable to acknowledge his sudden deafness. The blood was so terribly loud in his ears, drowning out everything else. Vaguely, distantly, he heard bits and pieces of her words drift into the foggy haze of his mind. "... too much internal bleeding, nothing we could possibly do..." It didn't make any sense to him. He just couldn't connect the facts set so plainly in front of him. "... only a few moments more, if you would like to be with him--"

Suddenly, reality harshly came crashing down. He hoarsely repeated, "What?"

The doctor put a compassionate hand on his shoulder, and Seto found that he didn't have the energy to brush it away. "He's dying, but he still has a few moments more. You can be with him, if you want, when he passes." The young doctor squeezed his arm again, then seemed to disappear into the throng of people milling about in the hospital floors.

Seto stood, motionless, and just stared at the doors where his lover had been rushed through earlier. He took a slow step forward, felt the stiffness in his muscles, the pain in his walk. _If I don't go, and I don't see... then it doesn't have to be real. I can just wake up, and it'll all go away..._

He took another slow step, and then stopped. He glanced at the clock on the wall, ticking away the seconds. He took another step toward those heartless gray doors, and stopped again. If he didn't move anymore, then he could just ignore it. It didn't have to be real. He didn't have to be in this hospital. He didn't have to be crying -- it had been so long since he had cried -- in front of all those people. He didn't have to be staring at his shoes, willing them to make a choice that he had no desire to make. He could be back at home, holding his lover. He could be designing some new program, playing cards with Mokuba. He could be anywhere but where he was, and could just turn away from that clock that was ticking down the minutes. Ticking away his life.

But if he went... If he walked into that room, it could never be just a case of mistaken identity. It could never be, "Let's go home now, I'm sorry you worried..." It could never be another warm night in his bedroom, another stolen kiss when his brother's back was turned. If he saw that dead body, then there would be no return. It would be real, and it would hurt, and he would probably never stop crying.

Seto took a step forward.

The clock on the wall seemed to mock him. It's incessant ticking hammering against his head even louder than his own blood had been just seconds before. The clock was counting away his lover's life. It wasn't stopping, and neither was his death. Dread and nausea twisted into something vile in the pit of his stomach, making him suddenly want to vomit and retch until his body was free of it. If he didn't walk into that room, at that moment, then he would never see his lover again.

Seto took another step forward.

He had to go now, or he would never go.

Seto suddenly broke out of his conflict and started sprinting towards the cool gray doors that shielded his lover, _his_ puppy dog, from the outside world. The people in the corridor seemed to be jumping in front of him, desperate to make him give up and turn back. He shoved them away and pushed a path clear until he was able to run to the gray doors.

The clock ticked loudly after every step.

He finally made it to his destination, and slowly placed his hand against the chilling metal.

He pushed weakly, and the doors remained where they were.

He pushed harder on the second try, and one swung inward, allowing Seto inside. He pushed it shut behind him and took a deep breath.

The room was dark, gloomy with the sense of death. A machine beeped slowly next to the wall, and Seto tried to look anywhere but to the bed. All of his earlier doubts came back tenfold, and it suddenly seemed like the most easy escape to just push the door ajar and leave without ever seeing...

"... Se... to..."

Seto spun around quickly and, without thinking of the consequences, locked his blue eyes onto the frail figure lying weakly beneath the sheets. His skin was a sickly pale blue color, his once vibrant golden hair was now ashen yellow. His eyes, always full of fire and strength, were a weak brown color that spoke volumes of agony.

He still looked beautiful.

Seto took quick steps forward to the bed, trying frantically to stop the tears. He gently placed his hand over the boy's fingers, and felt the sobs tearing at his throat when the fingers weakly tried to grasp his hand. An oxygen mask was pulled to the side of his mouth, and the boy's other hand was blatantly holding the tubing. Seto reached to pull it back over his mouth.

"Se..to..." The boy croaked the word and Seto couldn't stop the tears. He let his hand fall away from the mask. The hand that was still touching his grew suddenly cold, and Seto knew what was about to happen. "Se.. to..." The boy's body convulsed, and tremors raced through both of them. The hand clutching his fingers squeezed with as much might as he could muster, and the blond boy stared into his eyes with determination, "Seto, I..." Another agonizing convulsion. "Seto, I... _love..._ you."

The world seemed to be spinning, and Seto just stared into those chocolate orbs with pain and longing. The words wouldn't come to his throat. He tried, tried, _tried_ to say them -- to return them with just as much passion and love as his blond had spoken them. The words wouldn't come. His throat was sticking together and he had just swallowed a box of cotton swabs. He watched in horror as those loving brown eyes changed from warm to sad, and then started to fade into nothingness.

Still unable to say those three little words he wanted so badly to return, Seto pushed his lips against the blonde's chilled ones.

It was all he could do.

He watched as the blond gave a little smile.

It was all he could do.

Then, those deep brown eyes of his seemed to dim. They lost their warm colors, and it seemed as though a light had been turned off behind them.

And it had...

Seto Kaiba didn't even need to look at the steady line of green that the machine was drawing, or to the monotonous beep it was emitting, to know that he was the only one still alive in the room.

The clock struck twelve with a loud tick.

Katsuya Jounouchi was dead.

========================

End part one of three. _Onward ye mortals, to the promised land..._ ======


	2. Empty Pack

1170  
Bura-sama  
12.21.02  
12.21.02

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine. I don't claim it to be so. The characters I'm using don't even resemble the official ones, so... yeah. Not mine, no infringement is intended.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. Seto/Jounouchi. Death. OOCness. Enough sugary sappiness to choke a hummingbird.

Notes: A Christmas present for my big sister.  
I'm not terribly fond of the couple, but she likes them.

Chilled

_ Ch2: Empty Pack_

The nurse was standing at the door, looking at her watch and scribbling down the time of death. _12:00. Midnight. December 25. Merry Christmas._

She waited a moment, but Seto still did not move. He was just standing there, unable to form words. He was shaking with every breath. His eyes were tightly closed, but tears still managed to get away.

The nurse walked up slowly to stand next to him and glanced at him warily. "I'm so sorry for your loss, sir." Seto's eyes snapped open and a furious gaze -- straight from the depths of Hell -- bored into the woman. She took a step backwards in intimidation. 

Seto's eyes lost the rage, and he looked longingly back to his lover. _You're not really gone... You're just... not here..._

He turned around hastily and wiped the tears away from his eyes with his shirt sleeve. He practically ran from the room.

The nurse waited a moment more before pulling the white sheet over the boy's eyes and quickly leaving the room.

Jounouchi was all alone.

Seto couldn't maintain his speed, and slipped into a somber walk. The people in the hospital waiting room were staring at him. He didn't care, but he still couldn't ignore their whispers.

_ "Isn't that the practically undefeated champion, Kaiba?" _ One whispered.

_"Yeah... Have you ever seen his house? I'll bet he has enough money..."_

Seto tuned them out. He had money. He should have been able to save Jounouchi. He should have been able to use that money and... and... And what? What could he have done that hadn't been tried already?

He found the nearest chair and carelessly threw himself onto it. It was hard plastic that had been worn down by innumerable people sitting on it. Dark blue plastic, almost as cold as metal.

"Always hard, isn't it?" The words came from an elderly man sitting next to him. His skin was wrinkled, his hair a mess of graying blond. "Wife of almost forty years... gone in almost two seconds."

Seto couldn't bring himself to respond.

"Shopping in a store... One second she's picking up a toy for the grandkids. The next... a bullet in her head from some criminal."

Seto couldn't bring himself to look at the old man. They were nothing alike, but yet...

The man pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and pulled one out. He held it between the dark stain on his fingers. He fished his lighter from the inside of his coat. Before he could bring the cigarette to his lips, a smiling nurse appeared.

"Sir, you can't smoke on the premises." She smiled and seemed to just float away.

The man laughed -- a cold, harsh sound. "Well, ain't that a bitch?" The man started to pocket the smokes with a tired look on his face.

Acting on impulse, Seto thrust his wallet forward. "I'll give you all the cash in here if you give me the rest of your pack and that lighter."

The man leaned forward, and placed the cigarettes and lighter on Seto's outstretched hand. He left the uncounted money as it was. "Here, take 'em. I was going to quit anyway."

Seto didn't spare another look at the man as he clutched the cigarettes tightly and headed for the stairs.

He hadn't smoked in years. It had been a bad habit he had quickly broken after catching Mokuba trying to imitate him. He knew that it was bad for him, but he couldn't stop himself from pulling the cigarette from the pack and holding it between his lips. He had never really enjoyed them when he smoked, but Seto could think of nothing more that he wanted at that moment.

He walked down the stairs with a stiff step. He couldn't take the elevator -- couldn't take being so close to so many people. The stairs were empty.

He made it to the bottom and pushed open the emergency door. Taking a seat on the chilling concrete steps, he flipped back the lid to his lighter and brought it to the cigarette. He inhaled sharply and willed the cigarette to light. The flame caught, and the bright orange burned like a beacon in the night.

His beacon had been extinguished at midnight.

Gone forever.

_Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ Oh yes, it's going to be a merry Christmas, all right. Do you have any idea how many tests still need to be done to the prototype players? I have reports to review, paperwork to sign, I still need to find a gift for Mokuba--_

_ Lighten up, Seto. It's gonna be Christmas tomorrow. If you don't behave, I won't give you your present..._

_ Go call Yugi or something, Jounouchi. I have work to do._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ ..._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto..._

_ ... Hn._

The cigarette burned, sending a thin trail of smoke into the night sky. The last words he'd ever spoken to his lover, "I have work to do."

_Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ I have work to do._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ I have work to do._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ I have work to do._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto._

_ Merry Christmas, Seto._

So many opportunities to say something else. So many chances to respond in kind.

_I love you, Seto._

He should have replied, should have let Jounouchi know how much he loved him. He should have told him "Merry Christmas," or "I love you." Hell, _anything_ would have been better than "I have work to do."

_ I love you, Seto._

The cigarette was burning away, almost touching his fingers.

_ How could I have been so stupid? How could I have just let him die? How could I have left him alone for even a _second_ longer than necessary? I hesitated... and missed all that time..._

Seto lit another cigarette, inhaling deeply.

The air was biting against him, but Seto didn't care. The wind was blowing -- howling -- and Seto didn't care.

He sat on the step, watching the smoke rise into the sky.

The door opened behind him, and a young, blonde nurse stepped outside. She gave him an odd look, but continued on. He watched her cross the parking lot and start the ignition in her car. Her blonde head seemed to stare at him as she drove away.

Seto pulled the second used cigarette from his lips, and whispered to himself. "When did this city become so infected with blonds?"

He reached for the last cigarette and started flipping the lid to the lighter... back and forth... back and forth... back and forth...

He wondered briefly how long he had been sitting in the cold winter night and then numbly rose to his feet. He snubbed the partially burning cigarette into the sidewalk, then opened the door. He climbed the stairs slowly, but each step contained a certain amount of anxiety.

His heart knew what he had to do, even if his head did not.

He had to see Jounouchi again, for just one last time.

=======================================

end part two of three. _One more stop, then we'll be in Eden_... ====


	3. White Sheets

1620  
Bura-sama  
12.22.02  
12.22.02

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine. I don't claim it to be so. The characters I'm using don't even resemble the official ones, so... yeah. Not mine, no infringement is intended.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. Seto/Jounouchi. Death. OOCness. Enough sugary sappiness to choke a hummingbird.

Notes: A Christmas present for my big sister.  
I'm not terribly fond of the couple, but she likes them.

** Seto is with Jounouchi only. Only Jounouchi! The ending may be misinterpreted, so I just want clear this up.  
** Also, I'm totally satisfied with the ending. I might come back later and rewrite it.

Chilled

_ Ch3: __White Sheets_

Seto found himself standing against the heartless gray doors for the second time that night. He was just as frantic as the first time, still knowing the importance of seeing Jounouchi before he was gone. Part of him expected him to still be alive, to still be telling him how much he loved him. Part of him half-expected to get another chance to verbalize his own feelings.

He pushed open the gray doors, and his heart seemed to wither away in his chest.

Before, when he had opened the doors, Jounouchi had been lying there. He had been broken and bleeding, but he had still been Jounouchi. Now... it was just a shapeless white sheet, showing nothing of the boy under it. It wasn't Jounouchi anymore.

Seto took slow steps forward, dreading each one.

He reached the sheet-covered form and stopped. This wasn't his Jounouchi... his puppy dog. This wasn't the boy he had held close the night before, this wasn't real... this wasn't...

With a sudden motion, he pinched the corner of the sheet with one hand and viciously jerked the sheet away.

Pale, dead, glassy eyes stared up at him. Seto immediately looked away. Reaching out with trembling fingers, he gently closed his eyes and ended the empty gaze. Hesitantly, Seto looked again. The hair was different... it had never looked like this when Jounouchi had been alive. It was flat against his head, devoid of its usual shaping. The color was much paler than he had ever seen it. The blood was gone. Dimly, he realized that someone had brushed it while he had been gone.

The skin was cold. Chilling. Patches of blue and red mottle his once fair skin, and Seto trembled. He moved his shaking hand to rest against Jounouchi's cheek. He instantly recoiled and let his hand fall numbly to his side. It hurt to touch him... He was so cold...

His skin was covered in bruises -- the impact had thoroughly smashed his beautiful skin. Most the of the smaller bruises were dark red. The larger ones were a dark purple color from so much blood loss. The largest bruises spread across his abdomen. That was where the car had hit the hardest. From there, they crawled up his chest, wrapped around his back, and then jumped to his arms. His hands had avoided all of the crushing force. Still, it was a miracle that Jounouchi had been able to pull the oxygen mask away.

His hips and thighs had been crushed in the hit-and-run. Even if he had lived... he would never had walked again. His feet were scraped badly and covered with scabs. He'd broken his ankle when the car had tossed him into the air and he had landed on the sidewalk. It would never get a chance to heal.

Seto tentatively brought a hand forward and touched Jounouchi's toes. They were even colder than his face had been. He lightly skimmed his fingers along his ankle, his shin, his knee, and finally to the mangle mess of thigh and hips. He couldn't bring himself to touch him there, couldn't cope with the fact that this was his lover. He jerked his hand back as if he were stung.

He stared a moment more, then touched the smooth skin on his chest. Besides the bruising, his chest was free of the marring the rest of his body had taken. He brushed his fingers across the firm muscles, up to his collar bone, then back down to the bottom of his ribcage. There was nothing sexual about the act, and Seto made sure he stayed away from anything erotic. He would never touch Jounouchi that way again.

His hand found its way to the boy's neck. Once, he had worn a collar for Seto. It felt like it had been so long ago... The skin was clean on his neck. Seto resisted the urge to check for a pulse. He continued his trek up to the face.

He stopped at the lips. They were a pale, almost clear white color. And cold... so cold. He brushed his finger across his bottom lip.

_I love you, Seto._

The last words that he'd ever said to him. So full of love and sincerity. Seto hadn't been able to return them.

His fingers moved on their own accord. Ears, eyes, nose... they still looked like they had when he had been alive. But they felt... they felt so dead.

He loosely grabbed Jounouchi's hair. It still felt as soft as it had... still as dead as it used to be.

His hand was shaking violently, his whole body was trembling. Taking a deep breath, he backed away from the body and picked up the sheet. He gently spread it over his body, then left, trying to escape the sudden stench of death.

Seto shut the doors behind him. He walked quickly, determined to get away from that thing... that body that used to be Jounouchi's. The waiting rooms were even more crowded, the people there even more determined to hinder his way, to ensure that he stayed in that room. He pushed past them and took a deep breath once he found a place where he could breathe. The old man with the cigarettes was gone.

Seto looked around, recognizing no one that was there earlier. He took another calming breath.

He still reeked of death.

He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost six o'clock. He'd been there for almost eight hours. Knowing that he needed to go home and be with Mokuba, knowing that he needed sleep, knowing that he was going to be tired for the rest of his life... Seto sat down once again on the hard plastic chairs. He leaned forward and tried to drown out the world. He couldn't go home -- had no desire to go to an empty bed and a house that would never welcome Jounouchi through its doors. He leaned forward a bit more, and let the tears fall from his eyes.

Before... before he couldn't stop them.

Now he wanted them.

They fell freely from his eyes, cascading down his face and pooling on his hands. It had been so long since he had willingly cried in public... so long.

His body was still shaking, and his sobs did nothing to help the situation. He wanted to cry the world away... to just sit there for eternity, or at least till Jounouchi came back to him...

He felt someone stop in front of him, saw the person's white heeled shoes standing next to him. He just wanted to be left alone, he didn't want the sympathy from that little blonde doctor. He felt her hand touch his shoulder, but didn't have the energy to shrug it away.

"Seto... Seto Kaiba. Please, look at me. _Please_."

He slowly brought his head forward. It wasn't the doctor... it was even worse. Jounouchi's little sister.

He couldn't look at her. He couldn't tell her how much he had disappointed Jounouchi in the end, how he had let him die virtually alone.

She sat down on the floor in front of him, and reached forward. She curved her fingers around his chin and then pulled him into a hug. She was shaking, too, he realized. There were crystalline tears streaming down her face.

Softly, slowly, she spoke. "The hospital called last night." She held Seto tighter and cried softly on his shoulder. "They couldn't find anyone's number but yours on him, so they called Mokuba."

_ Mokuba... they didn't tell him. Say that they didn't tell him..._

She pulled away slightly, but they were still holding each other. "Mokuba called me and told me that Jounouchi was in the hospital... Mom said..." She started crying again. Seto held her numbly, "Mom said that he was probably just in a fight, and that I could come by in the morning..." Her tears fell onto him and mixed with his own. "When I came here... the doctors told me he was dead." She was trembling, her voice was cracking with each syllable. Seto held her in his arms.

He pulled her closer. She was possibly the closest person to Jounouchi, besides himself. She could feel the same grief he was feeling. Slowly, he spoke. The words felt like glue in his mouth, "Drunk driver. He was leaving my office building. The driver came around the corner and killed him." He shuddered slightly. "I saw it from my office window."

She pulled him close and let the tears fall.

He did the same.

"The doctors said... they told me that you were with him when he died..."

Seto nodded slowly, unable to speak.

She sobbed quietly, "I'm so glad he wasn't alone. Jounouchi always hated to be alone..."

Seto wiped her tears away, then his. He pulled her into his arms. They stayed like that for several minutes, just sitting there, rocking slightly.

She finally pulled away and looked at Seto. "Can I see him?" 

Seto shook his head slightly, "You don't want to do that." 

She nodded slightly, then shook her head. She struggled off of his lap, "Will you call my mother, please? I want to go home now." 

Seto reached into his coat pocket and pulled the cell phone free. He handed it to her, not knowing the number. She dialed it with shaking fingers, and spoke quietly. Seto sat motionless as she talked. 

She stood, and he followed her. They walked toward the elevator. 

Seto did not look back to the heartless gray doors where his lost lover lay, nor to the clock on the wall that ticked the seconds away. 

============================================================================================ 

end part three of three. _At last, Pandemonium has struck us down. We have arrived. _===| 


End file.
